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Be careful which future you you’re chasing.
I was overly ambitious, and it was devastating to my health, both physical and mental.
This was mainly when I was in my late teens and early twenties.
The trouble was I thought I was certain I knew what I wanted.
(Certainty brings rigidity, and if we’re rigid we can break more easily.)
Comparing my then present circumstances with my future vision was painful, to say the least.
Visualising can bring hope, but it can also give us a painful contrast.
It depends on our state of mind at the time.
Mine was unstable.
I finally got what I wanted when I was 23.
My habitual practice of visualising before going to sleep worked like a charm.
But when my then present self caught up with my future vision, I felt numb.
I wasn’t expecting that.
And nothing could’ve prepared for it.
All those years I was visualising a future me, and I never considered that when the time came for that vision to become a reality, I would no longer resonate with it.
I invested so much of myself, so much of my identity in that future vision, in what I wanted to do, in who I wanted to be, that when I admitted to myself that I no longer wanted it, I was left with an identity crisis on my hands.
I don’t mean to be melodramatic, but it was like breaking up with someone, and that night I cried myself to sleep.
With my future me gone, who was I?
I don’t think I’ve ever felt so lost.
But what a gift!
Such a tough lesson to learn.
A friend said at the time, “This could be one of the greatest things that has ever happened to you.”
And it was.
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