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What if you’ve been looking for “the one” in all the wrong places?

What if your notion of “the one” is actually preventing you from finding the one?

Personally, I think the whole concept of finding “our one and only” is romantic nonsense.

Having said that, hopefully, by the end of the next 700 words or so, you will be well on your way to truly finding what you seek.

Let’s jump right in…

1 – If you are with someone, he or she is “the one”.

After all, they are the one making you reflect on yourself. They are bringing the issues to the table; issues that contain the potential for you to grow. If they don’t live up to your notion of “the one”, stop being a romantic and get to work on yourself, not them.

You might end up outgrowing them, and you might feel that there’s nothing else left to do but walk away. Yes, it’s scary, but if you’re serious about your own happiness and wellbeing, you won’t delay for long.

Remember: Freeing yourself is also freeing them.

2 – If you are single, let go of your idea of “the one” and watch what happens.

Something remarkable happens when you stop looking for the perfect partner. The possibilities open up for you to meet someone authentic and genuine, because you have stopped judging potential partners by how they don’t live up to your image of “the one”.

Your image of a perfect partner is erroneous, unless of course it includes all imperfections.

3 – If you really want to find the one (the one without inverted quotation marks) then do this one thing.

Look in the mirror.

NEWSFLASH: You are the one you are looking for.

Learn to love yourself.


Stop moaning about your so-called imperfections, and see them as aspects of your unique perfection.

You are amazing.

Fill your own cup with adoration and love for yourself, and see how you begin to emit attractive qualities, such as:

  • Confidence
  • Joy
  • Warmth
  • Humour
  • Patience
  • Forgiveness
  • Acceptance

Like ripples, they will come back to you in the form of people and circumstances.

Jim Rohn, the late American author and motivational speaker, always used to say, “Work harder on yourself than you do on your job.”

Let’s change it:

Work harder on yourself than you do on another.

Be kind to yourself.

Watch those self-sabotaging thoughts we all have.

Catch them, like wasps – for they do sting – and replace them with butterflies and song birds.

Repeat to yourself the following affirmations when you first wake up in the morning, and when you’re dozing at night:

I love myself.

I am perfect the way I am.

I deserve the best.

I am loving and I am loved.

I forgive myself.

You might not believe yourself at first, but just keep doing it. Say them with a smile.

Notice the difference in how you breathe, and how you hold yourself.

You might suddenly feel a need to dress differently, to wear brighter colours to match your new outlook. Your posture might change. You might stop slouching and stand up straight, with your shoulders back, and your chin up.


Get rid of the notion of “the one” once and for all.

It has the power to not only hold you back, by prohibiting your potential for finding someone real to love and be loved by. But it can so easily crumple existing relationships.

It’s a romantic ideology, inspired by poems, literature, songs lyrics, movies, and everything else.

You might be saying, “Hold on a second, there, Gav. I’ve found “the one”.”

What if “the one” has an affair? What if they die?

Are you not going to open yourself up to love again?

And if and when you do finally brave loving another again, are they instantly demoted to number two?

What if you feel like you actually love them more than your initial number one? (You know, the one who an affair or died.)

What then?

You can’t have two ones; one of those must be a two.

Which one will you pick to be your number two?

It’s romantic BS.

I’m telling you, you are the one you are looking for.


Learn to be your own best friend; you don’t need a partner to be a happy, but being happy and content being single is the perfect way to attract your ideal partner.

Smile at being single. Revel in it. Be comfortable spending time with yourself; smile at how wonderful you are; go to the cinema by yourself; go and have a coffee by yourself, and just watch what happens.

It really can feel like magic.


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